A New Day

Yesterday I prayed that God would meet me at church today.  It has been far too long.  Busyness, life with a new baby, dreaming about the future, working through uncertainties, tiredness, and just plain dread has kept me from Him.  I mean, being a Christian for so long sometimes makes things so hazy.  It’s easy to get caught up on the little things that drive you crazy in the church and miss the whole point.  You can call yourself a Christian but not really talk to God, I mean heart-to-heart soul bearing, for a very long time.  Funny how even writing this, it seems so obvious.  And it’s so obvious to us as we read about the Israelites and how they were always complaining and chasing after idols just pages after God did something amazing for them like rescue them from slavery and oppression.  But it never is so clear in the moment.  We are like puppies who have to be taught the same lesson over and over and over again.  Thankfully we have a very loving and uber-patient God.

To my surprise, God answered my prayer.  He showed up.  I was singing and it actually clicked.  My God is for me.  He is greater than anything I’m facing right now.  He is my all.  He is sufficient to carry my every burden, to comfort me and counsel me.  I can walk in confidence in His power, His strength.  Who can stand in my way?

I felt Him tugging at my heart.  I longed for that moment to last so I could sit in it, revel in the comfort of His love.  I yearned for more relief to wash over me.  But it was so fleeting.  So wonderful but so short-lived.

Perhaps that was by design.  I stayed focused the entire service, searching for the words God would have for me.  As the service closed, I felt disappointed.  Like that was all there was.  But the pastor quickly mentioned that people were available to pray with anyone who would like to.  I struggled with the decision – Do I go?  What would people think of me when I walked up to the front?  But seriously, who cares?  And even if they did, would I let that get in the way of having another moment with God?

I went.  I confessed my hard-heartedness and asked for His forgiveness.  The lady praying with me suggested that I forgive myself.  And that forgiveness is not a feeling – it’s a choice.  Choosing not to live with the guilt of bad decisions and not living up to His (or my own) standards.  Choosing to accept the release from those bad decisions.  Choosing to turn around and walk in a new direction.  It’s drawing a line in the sand and saying: Today is a new day. 

God is faithful to finish what he started (Philippians 1:6).  I know I’m not instantly changed.  I’m not suddenly a wonderful perfect person who always does the right thing and will always remember this moment.  But I’m instantly on a new path and this path leads to completion, to perfection.  It won’t be easy and it won’t be quick but He’s got this one.

I need to simply rest in Him.  Spend time with Him.  Not out of guilt but out of longing for those special moments with Him.  To see what He sees in me and to hear what He thinks about me.  To view the world through His eyes and think as He does.