He's got this one

For a planner and an organizer like me, change is never easy.  I like to think ahead, consider my options, and set my mind on what path I will take.  But life doesn’t always follow my plans.

There has been a lot of change in my life recently.  Not that it’s all bad – in fact, much of it is really very good!  Having a baby, going on maternity leave, personal growth, dreaming about the future – all great things.  But that doesn’t mean it’s easy.

The biggest change was making the decision to not return to work once my maternity leave ends.  It was a very difficult decision.  I loved my job and my coworkers were really great to work with.  My boss gave me lots of encouragement and always let me know how much I was valued there.  At the same time, my husband and I could not see a way that I could return without compromising choices we had made for our family.  And during my pregnancy and first months postpartum, I had encountered a whole new world of excitement.  But it would involve a lot of change.

The challenge with change is that it usually involves a transition from the familiar to the uncertain.  Even if the status quo isn’t ideal, at least you know how it works.  It’s safe.  Change brings unpredictability, a nerve-wracking set of “what-ifs”.  There’s no guarantee the new thing will work out.

At this point, my mind reels with questions about my ability, my motives, my true feelings.  Do I know what I’m getting myself into?  Am I just kidding myself?  How irresponsible am I, throwing away a perfectly good thing for something that may not even work?  And how ungrateful – choosing to end something that I once called a God-given miracle!

My parents have a small plaque in their guest bathroom that greets me each time I visit.  It always serves as a nice reminder but during my most recent stay, it shouted its message loud and clear:

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

Breathe.  Ok, God’s got this one.  He’s seen this coming all along and nothing surprises Him.  He knows all the little intricate details and He orchestrates them all together for His purposes.  Moreover, His purposes are for good.  He wishes to prosper me, not to harm me. 

While He may gift me with a wonderful job and show His mighty hand in bringing me to it, the gift may only be for a time.  It may be one of many rest stops along the pathway He has for me.  And this next part of the journey will bring its own joys.

So as I take this leap into the unknown, I cling to the words of the Lord, knowing that whatever may happen, He’s got this one.

Back to the blog

Well folks, after a few years of on-again-off-again blogging, I'm back at it.  This used to be a private blog where I updated family and close friends on my far-away adventures.  I'm revamping it now to be more public and welcome new readers.  I envision this as a space to sort out my thoughts and share epiphanies.  I also want to write about significant things I've recently discovered that I think others should know about.  My hope is that you will be encouraged in your own search for belonging.

Thanks for joining me on this journey.  I look forward to writing for you!

A New Day

Yesterday I prayed that God would meet me at church today.  It has been far too long.  Busyness, life with a new baby, dreaming about the future, working through uncertainties, tiredness, and just plain dread has kept me from Him.  I mean, being a Christian for so long sometimes makes things so hazy.  It’s easy to get caught up on the little things that drive you crazy in the church and miss the whole point.  You can call yourself a Christian but not really talk to God, I mean heart-to-heart soul bearing, for a very long time.  Funny how even writing this, it seems so obvious.  And it’s so obvious to us as we read about the Israelites and how they were always complaining and chasing after idols just pages after God did something amazing for them like rescue them from slavery and oppression.  But it never is so clear in the moment.  We are like puppies who have to be taught the same lesson over and over and over again.  Thankfully we have a very loving and uber-patient God.

To my surprise, God answered my prayer.  He showed up.  I was singing and it actually clicked.  My God is for me.  He is greater than anything I’m facing right now.  He is my all.  He is sufficient to carry my every burden, to comfort me and counsel me.  I can walk in confidence in His power, His strength.  Who can stand in my way?

I felt Him tugging at my heart.  I longed for that moment to last so I could sit in it, revel in the comfort of His love.  I yearned for more relief to wash over me.  But it was so fleeting.  So wonderful but so short-lived.

Perhaps that was by design.  I stayed focused the entire service, searching for the words God would have for me.  As the service closed, I felt disappointed.  Like that was all there was.  But the pastor quickly mentioned that people were available to pray with anyone who would like to.  I struggled with the decision – Do I go?  What would people think of me when I walked up to the front?  But seriously, who cares?  And even if they did, would I let that get in the way of having another moment with God?

I went.  I confessed my hard-heartedness and asked for His forgiveness.  The lady praying with me suggested that I forgive myself.  And that forgiveness is not a feeling – it’s a choice.  Choosing not to live with the guilt of bad decisions and not living up to His (or my own) standards.  Choosing to accept the release from those bad decisions.  Choosing to turn around and walk in a new direction.  It’s drawing a line in the sand and saying: Today is a new day. 

God is faithful to finish what he started (Philippians 1:6).  I know I’m not instantly changed.  I’m not suddenly a wonderful perfect person who always does the right thing and will always remember this moment.  But I’m instantly on a new path and this path leads to completion, to perfection.  It won’t be easy and it won’t be quick but He’s got this one.

I need to simply rest in Him.  Spend time with Him.  Not out of guilt but out of longing for those special moments with Him.  To see what He sees in me and to hear what He thinks about me.  To view the world through His eyes and think as He does.

SLP or no SLP?

In my last post I mentioned how I began looking into Speech-Language Pathology as a career.  What excited me about it is that it uses linguistics, it is a position that would command a lot of respect, and it helps people.  However, after job shadowing three different SLPs in three different contexts, I have decided that it's not the career for me.  At least not right now.  I kept being reminded of how similar it is to teaching ESL - using props, lesson planning, trying to "trick" the person into learning by playing games.  Not that there's anything wrong with it, but it's just not for me.  I tried to stretch myself and see myself doing that and having fun, but it is so draining.  Your career is supposed to give you life, not just be something you can tolerate.  Especially having gone to school for so many years!

I know that this turn of events could be due to my job offer at C.  It could be that I was genuinely interested in becoming an SLP but that the idea of working in such a different environment clashed so much that it turned me off.  Or maybe the SLP discovery project was something to keep me occupied while I was waiting to hear back from C.  Who knows?  But, I feel like this is good timing.  I now have a job with C, which will probably pull me back to documentation and translation where I was already leaning to begin with.  For now, I am happy to be in that environment again and plan to be there for a few years.  Only God knows how the next steps of His plan will unfold.  But at this point, I finally find myself not being anxious for the future.  That is so rare for me.  So, I will try to hold on to this feeling and stay content where God has put me.  But, the moment He tells me to move on, I will be ready.

Thanks for reading!

A God Story!

I have SUCH a God story to tell you!!!!  Summary:  I now have a TERRIFIC job with an INCREDIBLE bunch of people and God totally guided me here.  But, please read on!!

After returning home from a month in Alberta this summer, I began applying to any and every administrative position I could find in an attempt to find a job.  I dropped off resumes at every accountant’s office in Walnut Grove and started applying at places such as Starbucks.  I hadn’t heard anything from anyone after about 40 resumes and 2 weeks of searching, so I decided to get some help.

I made an appointment with the career centre at Trinity Western University to see if someone could review my resume and point me in the right direction.  On September 8, 2011, I sat down with M-E and within a few minutes she suggested that it was time for me to focus on what I want to do.  Instead of going through my resume, she set up an appointment for me later that day with A.  She told me that I first needed to decide what direction to head towards before I developed a resume and a plan.

So, I had a few hours to spend before my appointment with A.  I thought I would go over and visit at C, since I was also looking into ways to help with linguistic fieldwork via the Internet.  I asked the receptionist who would know something about it, and she took me to see DJ.  We talked a bit about who would know about distance volunteering, then about TA’ing, then he mentioned that W was leaving and that there was a position opening up.  When I showed interest in this, DJ went and got DF to join us.  DF and DJ spoke about the position very cautiously, as they did not want to promise anything.  At that point, it was a part time position and wouldn’t start until November.  DF gave me his card and told me to send him my contact information “for now” so they could get a hold of me.

I was very excited at this strange turn of events!  How bizarre that a simple walk to the other side of campus would present me with a job opening!  There were some down sides to it though.  I couldn’t wait that long and I was looking for a full time position.  But, I would see what would happen.

I met with A and began to take a good look at my interests and values to determine a good career choice.  This process opened my eyes to new ideas and the possibility of pursuing something in my field of study.

When I got home, I send DF my contact information and that afternoon he replied, asking me to send him my resume.  He said he would get back to me once they finalized the job description.

I started revamping my resume and composing a terrific cover letter.  I needed to make a good impression.  After getting Mom’s input and editing, I submitted my resume and cover letter to DF on September 9, 2011.  On September 12, 2011, DF replied to my email saying that my resume looked “great” and that he would get back to me once the job descriptions were ready to set up an interview.  He mentioned that he knew I was looking for full time work and that he may be able to offer that.

Meanwhile, I interviewed with a couple of organizations but neither really interested me.  They were simply jobs I knew I could do but wouldn’t stay long at.

Through my meetings with A, I discovered that Speech-Language Pathology was an area of interest to me and I began to research how to pursue the field.  I set up two separate job shadowing appointments and began the process for volunteering at another location.

I hadn’t heard back from DF so on September 21, 2011, I called him to ask how the process was coming along.  He said that they were just finishing the job descriptions and that DJ was out of town until the end of the week.  He would get back to me on September 26, 2011.

I had more interviews elsewhere and was starting to lose hope in the opportunity at C.  I was offered a couple of positions by now which I turned down, still thinking that it just might happen with C.

While job shadowing on September 27, 2011, I made a quick call to DF because I hadn’t heard from him.  He said he had just sent me an email with the job descriptions and that I should reply with my availability for interviewing the following week.  He told me that W had decided not to continue in either of the two positions, so they were both up for grabs.  I was glad that he had sent me the information and that it was now full time but disappointed that I had to wait another week.  Steve started working as a courier driver this same day, so the financial stress was eased somewhat.

I had my interview at C on October 3, 2011.  DF had set up four separate meetings for me so that I met with DJ, DF, M, and W.  I really felt at home in that building.  Everyone knew me already and they also knew Steve.  Each meeting was great – casual yet informative.  In my meeting with M, I noticed how peaceful of a person he was.  We were just informally chatting a bit, then the conversation quieted.  I had a thought in the back of my head, but thought I probably shouldn’t say it out loud.  Before I knew it, I was speaking it!  I told him how I had originally came into C a month previous to see if anyone knew of any volunteer opportunities to help with language documentation via the Internet.  The second I said "documentation" he stopped me and asked me where I had heard about that.  I was caught off-guard.  I told him what I knew of it and told him how it really interests me.  Then he said that all this was very interesting because they were currently working on a position of sorts, doing that very thing.  They were still working out the details, but he asked me that if there was room in my schedule on top of the positions that I was applying for, would that interest me.  I was baffled and said “Of course!”  This was becoming too good to be true!

When I met with DF, he told me all about their vision and mission as an organization, and how they want to allow their staff to grow.  They focused on finding the right person then molding the position around that person.  It amazed me that I could potentially be a part of this kind of an organization!

I left those interviews feeling as if I was walking on clouds!  I had such a strong sense that God had led me there and hoped that DF could see that too.  DF said he would be in touch early the following week.  (Again, another week gone by!)

Right after my interviews at C, I had to run to a quiet space for a phone interview with a Christian leadership organization.  I had two additional face-to-face interviews with them that week.  It was such a shock to my system to encounter their different environment, that I immediately reacted with bitterness.  I almost did not go to the second in-person interview.  However, at the end of the week, I began to think that if C did not offer me a job, I could be ok at this organization.

Before the weekend, I also got a call from the independent human resources agent who interviewed me for another job in the early stages of my search.  He found another position that was looking for someone like me, so he offered an interview for October 12, 2011.  I told him I was waiting to hear back from two positions already, but that I would take a look.  (When Steve found out, he just laughed.  He thought I should have more faith in C.)

The weekend was a long one.  Not only was Monday a holiday, but I was thinking and wondering what would happen with all of these jobs on Tuesday.  Finally, October 11, 2011 came.  I was hoping that DF would call me at 9am and let me know I had the job so that I could stop worrying.  However, I didn’t hear anything all morning.  I began thinking that I should really call the HR agent and cancel my interview since I didn’t want the job anyway, but I told myself I would wait until 2pm before I decided what to do.  At about 1:50pm, DF called me and offered me the job!  I couldn’t believe it!  It was impossible to hide my excitement on the phone.  I thanked him so many times!  He affirmed my skills and character and that I was just the right person they were looking for.  He also commented on how incredible it was that God brought me to them at such the perfect time.  Wow!

I eagerly messaged my family and told everyone what had happened.  I also quickly called the leadership organization and the HR agent to remove my name from the candidate lists.  What a great feeling!

So, after pursuing many random and purposeless jobs, God placed the perfect one right in my lap.  I didn’t have to do anything except walk across campus and open my mouth!  It may not have been on my timing (33 days from start to finish), but it was according to God’s perfect timing.

Now, here’s to a great beginning of a new chapter!